"Makina" :: Sessio Per Pastis
Status :: Coming down...
Initial impressions of the chemical ephedrine and the effects on me:
It starts as a shiver in my stomach. As though my digestive tract doesn't know what to do with it. But it doesn't need to. Soon, it's absorbed into my bloodstream, and the equivalent of an apocalypse of energy explodes in my brain.
The initial sensation is a highly pleasant one-- like the neurons in my brain are crystalizing. Sharpening into glistening, honed individual slivers of alertness. I could track a falcon across the sky on a cloudy day, such is my psuedo-prescience. And then the infusing of my nerves begins.
Whereas caffeine was like having a moderate current of static pulsing through my veins, this is like a raging thunderstorm of energy held in check by me. I have the power of Zeus-- it's as though I could hurl thunderbolts across a sea. Oceans cannot measure my energy.
But then the reality of the situation begins to set in. Even as the pleasantly rezzed feeling remains, my throat begins to tighten. I start having trouble breathing, such is the constriction. Of course, the added boost of adrenaline helps to aid my respiratory system enough so that additional effort put into the inhalation and exhalation of *air* isn't really a problem; it's just a peculiar sensation. I nearly always have a visual manifest itself in my mind of my windpipe swelling shut gently.
And still, there's a buzzing in my head, like I have command of the Now.
It's like a band around my head now. Sometimes loose, sometimes tight, but it's there. And this band of pressure will eventually give way to a true and real headache (still curable by aspirin, curiously). It's like some soft-steel cap placed about my brow, riding on my ears and tracing itself across my forehead.
And still, this is all acceptable.
But then the bottom falls out of the ride.
It can only be described as a panic-attack, though I've never experienced one. My mind starts racing, and I again have trouble breathing. But not solely because of my constricting air pathways. Instead, a pressure on my chest and a weight on my mind cause me to break out in a slight cold sweat, and I have to swallow convulsively, repeatedly, several times. My eyes are darting to and fro, and sounds that offend my ears, instead of being slight sources of irritation are instead veritable monsoons of distraction and vexation. I have to remind myself to breathe, and in doing so, take a few deep, steadying breaths. And after a few moments, I regain control of the storm.
Now I'm in the haze of the hurricane-- standing on the beach as the mist of the eye of this storm washed my face. My eyes are glazed, and far away, and I'm watching most things from a third-person perspective, unless I'm forcibly, directly engaged in something. Yes, a barely held-in-check panic attack is the best metaphor I can make.
It feels like my lungs would explode, given the opportunity. Or maybe collapse. And it doesn't hurt-- it just feels.... I dunno.... *impending*.
And always, always, my muscles tighten. The segmented joints of my fingers twitch, and I can feel it everywhere-- my musculature bunching up in tension.
Most especially, in my back. Two huge knots, testament to the overtime my brain is forcing my body to obey. It feels like a pair of stones literally placed under the skin below my shoulder blades. They tingle, and ache, and feel as though they most definately should not be there.
Oh, but they will remain. Only in stillness can I at least partially coerce them into passiveness (only to return again upon activity).
And then it's "Over". But effects remain still.
Sleep? Out of the question; my brain will be amped for at least a good half a day. Laying my head upon a pillow is excellent for resting the eyes.... and that's about it. Rest is simply unheard of. Even as I lay still, I can feel my heartbeat, all day a consistent 100+ BPM (~lies~), still putting in excessive force. My tendons will not release, and I lay motionless, a bundle of tension.
But the excercise come evening is AMAZING.
Fear the effects of it and caffeine.
Here, conditioning is not my ally.
I hear it can kill people.
I hear I'm likely far too fond of it.
Randomness :: "The FDA has received more than 800 reports of adverse effects associated with use of products containing ephedrine alkaloid since 1994. These serious adverse effects, include hypertension (elevated blood pressure), palpitations (rapid heart rate), neurophathy (nerve damage), myopathy (muscle injury), psychosis, stroke, memory loss, heart rate irregularities, insomnia, nervousness, tremors, seizures, heart attacks, and death."
10:01 a.m. - 2005-09-22
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