"I guess I could be pretty pissed off about what happened to me, but it's hard to stay mad when there's so much beauty in the world. Sometimes I feel like I'm seeing it all at once, and it's too much. My heart fills up like a balloon that's about to burst. And then I remember to relax, and stop trying to hold on to it, and then it flows through me like rain, and I can't feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life. You have no idea what I'm talking about, I'm sure. But don't worry. You will someday."
.
Like rain. An infinity of thankfulness droplets. Washing me free of selfishness, entitlement and un-awareness.
On this day, I am a macrocosm of my daily gratitude. Focused as a sunbeam through a crystal lens into a perfect scalding locus. I exalt unnamed deities for the charmed existence of my personal world, and the intelligence to appreciate it. I whisper snippets of appreciation to ghosts of people who have passed through my life. I sing the praise of shown actions to the ones I call friend.
I still my mind so as to pull open the drawstrings of my thoughts. I realize that everything is mixed together inside my velvet mentalism. Like a bowl of colorful glass beads crowding together.
I am but a simple man. No different from the hundreds of trillions of any other. I am crushed into a bow of respectful humility when I bring a starglass of realization against my hubris. I have so much to be grateful for, to be anything other than utterly appreciative for every single luxury afforded me is but a gross and disfigured affront to the less-fortunate.
I spent the day today in a cocoon of frustration. Metamorphic from my limbic system through my spine. Grinding my teeth to aching jaw, and lungs to fever pitch breathing.
And then I remember to stop grasping so violently at something so meaningless. This is not the gauze of which life is made. I remember to let it sieve through me, and I can feel nothing but modesty and thankfulness. Pulling myself back from the dance of petulance to remember that I've so, so much to appreciate.
I am grateful. For much.
And it isn't always.
But now, I am thankful.
For everything and everyone I have.
And I am thankful.
For myself.
11:24 p.m. - 2014-11-27
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