October :: Jason Cluts
Status :: Awesome
This newly discovered song (unearthed by madame Keys) from an artist I apparently was under the impression that I knew the limitations of, is vastly inspiring.
Excercise tonight was amazing. I wish my lower extremeties could keep up with my respiratory.
Regretfully, I'm posting retroactively again. But somehow, this evening, that seems alright. Maybe it's this song (stripping me of complexities, laying me bare, and opening my eyes to the world in bits and pieces. But I can't absorb enough-- it hurts, how much I yearn to experience life in it's fullness.... and this song makes me feel as though I am not), maybe it's the ephedrine decline, maybe it's a lingering runners' high. Whatever it is, it doesn't matter, because all is well.
It's times like this, that I know I could never let my life be ended by a choice of my own.
If you were to force me to choose between torture and death, I'd choose torture.
Obviously this belief is heavily rooted in the personal standpoint that I lack a belief in an afterlife. But truly, keeping that in mind, what could possibly be better than life? Any and all life. Though pain be possibly the most prolific motivator in the world, I don't believe it could cause me to end my life.
Is not the pain of torture another experience of life-- of the mind?
And I don't mean easily comprehendable torture-- I mean mind-wracking, nerve-splintering torture, the likes of which not imaginable, or even recollectable due to ones mind shutting it out after the fact. Sensation is still greater than all.
And though death may be a lack of sensation, something for which we might yearn when the proverbial axe of pain comes plummeting down, it's an irreversible state. I'd suffer years and years and years for a scant few minutes of perfect, blissful peace. For then, even the most horrific torture would be but scars, a memory, an idea. Nothing which could compare with the prolificity of life.
I think.... maybe it's not the fear of death that so heavily weighs on my soul. I think it's the fear of losing life.
The concepts separate and distinct-- even though, maybe not to all.
Life is truly my most secretive, most delicious, most sensual mistress. She is mine, and only mine. That is, until I find someone who can appreciate the perfection which is she-- and share her with me.
Randomness :: "Your touch is worth a hundred thousand deaths"
11:48 p.m. - 2005-09-20
Recent entries:
Tossi Propter - 2018-07-02
Summerscorch - 2018-07-02
Heartdesert - 2018-06-25
Elliptical - 2018-06-25
Back and Callback - 2018-06-18
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